April 13, 2015
What is Lotus?
When you were doodling around with an ordinary compass as a kid, you probably drew a circle with it and then, shortening the radius of the compass a little, you set the point on the circumference of the circle and drew an arc from the 2 other points on the circumference. You were able to do this 5 times to make a five pointed flower-like form within the boundary of the original circle. It looked pretty. Remember?
This is the Lotus.
It repeats forever within an enormous fractal code which turns up as our world, our physical universe as far as it goes and it is the entire unknown, hidden, inner universes, as I have noted, side by side and piled one on top of the other within you now.
The Lotus is a symbol of Life and a symbol of each of us created Spirits now inhabiting physical form.
I have said to many people: Without you/me the Universe would not be what it IS. Each of us is unique. There is only one me; there is only one you. You are critical to the Whole of it and not more important than any other.
How about that, Lotus? Just let the inner gourmet munch on that wee morsel for a while. I could be said to be ‘prasad’ or holy food.
In my life, from the earliest times, I took personal guidance from within myself because, owing to the circumstances I found myself in with a highly dysfunctional, fearful, angry, punishing mother who I knew I could not trust, I saw no other choice. It all happened at such a young age that it was many years before I realized the gift I had given myself. Through childhood and adolescence that choice made my life very difficult but that, too, has proven to be a spiritual perk. I grew myself up as myself not as a give up, carbon copy kind of girl, nor the kind of copy people I witness in most of my world.
I am an Apple in a world made by Microsoft. I think different.
All the early beginning of planning to relocate my life to Ecuador, some of my friends rather kindly, I think, questioned my choice to drive the Red Bear with all my household packed inside all the way south to the end of North America and then to ship van and contents by ferry to South America.
They will be happy to know they were right. The drive has proven to be a much bigger task than might have imagined and a much larger cost as well.
They are also wrong, because the Lotus making this Journey, is learning way beyond what might have been simply and easily taking an airplane, or packing boxes of my stuff to send by ocean freight.
It will be a stretch to say it is all fun but even in the deepest moments, the bird tribe medicine I am well related to, lifts my heart to a joyous place of laughter and delight. Saving grace, I can say here!
At every point of crisis, small as needing to find the right road forward to a place without even a dollar left in my pocket, with less than ½ tank of gas and driving, thundering tropical rain, there has been some sort of light: a person mostly or a place of refuge in Costa Rica when I turned into a driveway next to a house and yard because I could not see for the rain. An hour later, a conversation with police and the owner gave me time to sleep off some of my illness.
Right this minute, April 11, 2015, Saturday afternoon, I am in Paso Canoas at the border of Panama. it is raining that fantastic tropical down pour. The windows are closed and the laundry not drying so well today is inside hanging around my head, I am streaming in my sweat. I have been sitting here in a wide bus parking area under a shelter since March 26th waiting for a packet to arrive through the kind offices of my friend, Annika, with money to proceed.
Day by very hot, humid day.
It all began at Good Friday through Holy Week when nothing was open for business except the frontier and restaurants feeding travelers. And on for another week and weekend.
Civilization is moot. I have no electricity in the van and no way to plug in the computer. No internet unless the DHL office is open where, yes, people with their hearts open permit me to sit as long as I need to in their air conditioning to communicate beyond this place and my quite serious plight. No matter how I seem as I write, it is not lost on me that I am in trouble here.
My plan for Panama – whenever that may be – is to buy a straight forward phone and find a local person with an address to set up local banking. Since the end of January, I have waited 4 different times, a total of the month of February in Puente Arce, El Salvador with George and the family; two long weekend in Nicaragua and now here in Costa Rica 14 days waiting for the bank and money happenings.
I know certainly the power of the Matrix that operates our money driven world: unless there is a specific instruction on a data base in a computer, there is no way any person can do anything. The data base rules. How would you describe that?
It is necessary to go back to the doodle, the 5 pointed flower, the inner universe and Self as Lotus to truly understand what is going on because to attempt to figure it out as circumstances could leave me in an emotional meltdown. I have been close at least twice. But I cannot allow myself to dwell there because there is no help in it, nor is there in me when I am there. Deep breathing here, inhale count, exhale and count.
I brought with me a large stash of almonds, seeds and nuts and quinoa grain: I can eat without money in my pocket enough to keep going. When I have been out of it, I use my skill with acupressure and a stash of essential oils to stabilize both my physical and mental-emotional body.
Each wait has made a great deal of time available to deepen my meditation practice leading to a deep, calm perspective that can be said to be something like this:
It is what it is. It is happening and so it must be perfect. What am I learning about myself right now?
Life is rich. I am growing up quite nicely I think.
I also hit upon an idea to return the strength in my feet and legs after going on 8 years stumbling with a cactus cane. I pound my heels on the floor an hour at a time so that the bones and muscles feel the useful stress of what walking is and it is working. Even though I am going to need some more assistance to get straight, I am stronger, breath is fuller and deeper. I also got out the colloidal silver supplement to aid immunity and bronchitis.
The Lotus I am is actually going to make it. I am writing this piece when I do not know when that packet will arrive in the Correos (local Fedex) (or even IF it will arrive). I have learned to be okay with, “I do not know”. I do not know this minute, the next 20 minutes or even another day.
There was a day and an hour when I turned to have a conversation with our most important ally. His name is Death. When I looked deeply into the shadows of his hood, I saw a beautiful lighted spirit, ineffable, beyond calm, a sweet gentle personage whose eternal strength showed me both the way to go with him when it is to be and to turn again to the world where there is more work for me. Seems that this Lotus is needed and wanted for her spirit and her voice. I already know well from my father that Death is a friend, a liberation and a great joy. I am grateful to become better acquainted.
Journey of the Lotus will continue. There will be a book already forming itself from these writing. Thank you friends for motivating me to be the chronicler. I hope you enjoy the Prasad. Bon appétit.
Any of you might prompt Annika to set up our Participations page so that everyone who is being well fed here, can continue to support our great effort. And thank you very much. Love, Amraah